Metal Injection

If one thing can be said about the writers of Metal Inquisition (besides the fact that they are assholes) is they are heavily opinionated. Its also possible they know a little more about metal than you do. Which is why we asked them to guest-blog for us and revive our tr00 or False column, where they bring you the best and worst stories of the week. Be forewarned, that the opinions expressed are completely those of Metal Inquisition and not necessarily those of Metal Injection.

tr00

Alex Marquez records with Sargon
We are huge fans of all Alex Marquez bands (Solstice, Demolition Hammer, Malevolent Creation, Hellwitch, etc), so we were super stoked to see him back at work, this time with some band from Panama of all places called Sargon. I'd be lying if I said I listened to them for more than a minute or so, but we love Alex so we wish them the best! That said, for his sake, I hope he has some source of income other than playing drums in b-level death metal bands from third world countries… I don't think they have a Sargon 401(k), you know?

No Ozzfest this year
Metal Injection really said all there is to say about this, but here's the deal: Ozzfest has always been a cesspool full of retards that can only be charitably called human beings, Wicked Wisdom shirts, lame staffers, and one awful band after the next playing in a wretched, sweltering shithole. I really don't miss paying $55 to see Hatebreed for the 900th time and shelling out $6 for a slice of pizza. I'd rather see the Ozz family concentrate on making another season of Rock of Love Charm School, preferably with the lovely and talented Brandi M on center stage.

Pro-Pain kicks off a tour with Sworn Enemy and Mantic Ritual
First of all, I have no fucking clue who "Mantic Ritual" are or what that inane name is all about, other than perhaps an indication that the supply of band names is dwindling. At this point, "Slayer 2" would have been a cooler choice. Anyway, I loved Pro-Pain back in the dizzay, and even though I'm positive they are beyond washed up and horrible now, I'm still stoked! My friend used to be in a band with one of those guys and I got all excited and sang the chorus to "Pound for Pound" when I met him… I'm pretty sure he thought I was a complete tard. He was right.

False

AKERCOCKE, ABSU, ORIGIN Confirmed For Portugal's SWR BARROSELAS METALFEST XII
What possesses promoters to do these fests?! I can't think of anything I'd rather NOT do than go to fucking Portugal to be crammed in a room with a bunch of gross death metal fans and watch a bunch of boring, riff salad bands like Origin for multiple days. On the positive side, though, there is a band called Rectal Smegma playing! I have never heard of them, but I can only assume they are as talented as they are intelligent.

LAMB OF GOD: We Want To Write Songs That Make Us Want To Drive Fast, Headbang And Punch Things
Nice try, but the only thing Lamb of God makes us want to do is curse ourselves for wasting electrons downloading their terrible records. They were good when they were called Burn the Priest, and I used to love the split 7" with Agents of Satan. But now they are for people with shaved heads, goatees, and Fox Racing shirts, and I am not down with that sickness. I hope the singer gets struck by lightning .

SUCCESS WILL WRITE APOCALYPSE ACROSS THE SKY: New Song Posted Online
I am only mentioning this because my reaction to this headline was like Lisa Simpson when she saw Yahoo Serious: "Those words are English, but they don't make any sense together." Who is this band?! What kind of a retarded name is "SUCCESS WILL WRITE APOCALYPSE ACROSS THE SKY" and why would anybody give a rat's fucking ass that they posted a new recording of to their MySpace? Why do they have a girl in the band that does "samples and media"? Oh wait, I know the answer to that last one. I just don't know which one of these gross beardos she effed. Guys, you should kick her out now. Splitting whatever miserable pittance you make off this band one more way will only make your sad lives that much worse.