Black Metal History Month Caption Contest

BLACK METAL CAPTION CONTEST: Win A Vinyl Edition of THE SWORD's Apocryphon

First thing's first: Last week's winner! Congratulations to K4rate3 HABEEB who had me laughing at loud at his entry:

I dont always play guitar but when I do I use Dos Neckis

He'll be getting a copy of the new Hatebreed album. Now for this week, in honor of Black Metal History Month, we are going to be doing black metal caption contests all month long.

This week, we're giving away a free vinyl edition of The Sword's latest release, Apocryphon, out now on Razor and Tie Records. Leave a comment with your best caption and we'll pick a winner next week!

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  • http://twitter.com/liamjmcm Liam McMahon

    I shall use my axe of fabulous to slay the straight

  • http://www.facebook.com/Tom2112 Tommy Crimson

    Doesn't my axe look faaaabulous??

  • friend

    *sings* "I'm a little teapot…!"

  • http://www.facebook.com/richard.vye Richard Vye

    Whos the sexiest woodsman… just ax around!

  • http://www.facebook.com/rob.mcdonald.562 Rob McDonald

    MTV's made: i want to be thor

  • FLATLINERonWODU

    FABULOUS!!!!!!!

  • Divine_Chaos

    Bitch, I'm fabulous.

  • http://www.facebook.com/daniel.johnson.92317 Daniel Johnson

    When i dip, you dip, we dip!!!

  • http://www.facebook.com/milan.zabransky.7 Milan Zábranský

    YOU SHALL NOT PASS BABY

  • http://twitter.com/dreadmedia Desmond

    "Then he was all like 'I'm tellin' you, Bathory is the true daddy of Black Metal,' and then I was all like'Bitch, please! You know it's Venooooooom!'"

  • http://www.facebook.com/dominic.cuthbert.7 Dominic Cuthbert

    Black metallers get all the bitches… I mean birches.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/David-Adam-Meredith/1463830541 David Adam Meredith

    Behold my AXE and my MANLY STENCH!

  • http://www.facebook.com/jim.boehme Jim Boehme

    The new Cialis will bring you back to church burning form in no time!

  • The Necrosexual

    They say wearing black makes you look grimmer.

  • Cubby79

    "Well well well. Hey there Sailor! AWW schucks! Ya scared of my lil old ax?! Ya wanna hold it? Here ya gooooo!"

  • http://www.facebook.com/paul.zis Paul Zis

    I'm A LUMBER JACK and I'm OK

  • http://www.facebook.com/aidan.connelly.3 Aidan Connelly

    I am king of the forest critters

  • Jonathan Explosion

    My battle axe summons all the gnomes to the woods
    And they cry,
    "'Tis sharper than mine."
    By Odin: 'tis sharper than yours

    I shall train you
    But you must offer a tribute

  • http://www.facebook.com/aidan.connelly.3 Aidan Connelly

    I am king of the forest critters!

  • Marius Hetzler

    The Norwegian panda has mastered the use of rudimentary tools.

  • http://www.facebook.com/diaboliquesmc Swat Linares

    Never doubt me again! Butterflies ARE bad ass!

  • Luke

    Maybe Lord Satan endowed him with his glorious deepest of black hairs
    Maybe it's Maybelline

  • Mjparish

    Ulf was the least popular lumberjack at our camp.

  • EofA

    Treesss are ssso ghay. Fer realzz. Jesus Chrisst.

  • http://www.facebook.com/ruiz.alejandro Alex Ruiz

    "…And not a single fvck was given that day."

  • tommy

    maybe if i hold up this mighty axe they wont notice my sky blue cycling shorts in the rip of my trousers

  • Jason Kincaid

    I'm totally going to chop all these fuckin trees down.

  • http://www.facebook.com/lukeoffield Luke Offield

    Does this axe make my ass look fat?

  • FOTS

    A sword of fire, and an axe of fabulous!

  • Ben McBride

    This forest isn't big enough for two satanic axe wielding mother fvckers.

  • THinds

    Fabvlovs

  • Guest

    Does this axe make my ass look fat?

  • Bruce Ruhmann

    This axe is…FABULOUS!!!

  • vinjyr

    NO! The password to pass through is not 'Burzum'.

  • ianyam

    How Heavy This Axe. I hope you get it.

  • http://www.facebook.com/eric.franklin.1048 Eric Franklin

    got time to lean you got time to chop down some tree man.

  • Chris40081

    When he's not playing with Immortal, Abbath enjoys photography in the woods.

  • Andrew

    Don't worry boys there's enough Demogorgon for everyone.

  • DPE

    Talk to the axe cause the Abbath ain't listening.

  • Ephemeralparadox

    Put the axe back! …. Young Frankenstein anyone,?

  • @MullahRob

    ANSEL ADAMS, TIME FOR YOU TO GIVE YOUR SOUL UNTO ME!

  • http://www.facebook.com/samuel.mcmanus.7 Samuel McManus

    Man, they got weird bus stops here.

  • chosenone

    This season of Ax-men just got a whole lot grimmer!

  • red_skin

    "Can you tell I took Abbath today?"

  • http://www.facebook.com/serendipity2425 Christine Loree Jones Martin

    If a black metalist falls in the woods , does he make a sound ?

  • http://www.facebook.com/kevin.brenden.5 Kevin Brenden

    "Does this pose make me look more metal? I mean, c'mon, I've got an axe…"

  • HammerOfTheGods

    Remember, only YOU can prevent forest fires. Burn a church instead.

  • Pitlordmason

    "An axe to the trees has the same effect as fire to the church. Metal"

  • Robb H

    C'mon, vogue

  • http://www.facebook.com/jonathon.dewberry Jonathon Wayne Dewberry

    I don't know man you sure this pose is metal enough?

  • http://www.facebook.com/tony.lemminger Tony Lemminger

    With this axe and all this face paint I shall control all the Christmas critters

    • http://www.facebook.com/tony.lemminger Tony Lemminger

      I'm to sexy for this axe

  • NikkoLeggett

    I'm going to need Abbath after cutting all these trees down

  • http://www.facebook.com/kaelan.schock Kaelan Schock

    I burn churches and that's okay, I work all night and I slay all day!

  • http://www.facebook.com/angelena.is.dead Angelena Marie

    serving true northern realness

  • http://www.facebook.com/ted.danson.1848 Ted Danson

    I'm too sexy for this forest.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Andrew-Goldman/689101222 Andrew Goldman

    In the years after 'Lord of the Rings,' Gimli's musical tastes took a decided dark turn.

  • http://www.facebook.com/rod.sprinckmoller Rod Sprinckmöller

    These trees shall be sacrificed in the name of Satan.

  • Craig Maloney

    He's a lumberjack and he's OK.
    He screams all night, and he works all day.

    He cuts down trees, eats bats for lunch
    Few withstand his wrath
    He stands out in the forest
    trees queue to meet his axe

    He's a lumberjack and he's OK.
    He screams all night, and he works all day.

  • Jacek

    My axe is stuck, can you help me get it out?

  • StarkWolf

    Obviously not afraid to "take the black" cause I look fabulous!

  • Tobi Wiesel

    Suddenly, Wotan realised why to use a deodorant before foto-shootings.

  • Luthfi

    i'm feeling sexy with my new axe

  • Luthfi

    i wish i could have shower with my new magic axe

  • http://www.facebook.com/mikeblack21 Mike Black

    We're the Sons of Northern FAAAAAAABULOOOOOUS

  • Christopher

    Look at this fucking axe in this fucking forest. Look at it.

  • http://www.facebook.com/max.johnsonfraidin Max Johnson-Fraidin

    54th Rule of Black Metal: Never, never, never be caught in the forest without a nine foot axe.

  • http://www.facebook.com/matt.bryan.1044 Matt Bryan

    puppy farmer.

  • nukeface

    lemme axe you a question…

  • Sludgemonkey

    What about this pose? Kvlt enough?

  • http://www.facebook.com/Sharkeysd Stephen D. Sharkey

    Does this big axe make me look fat?

  • toxicllama

    You know my hips don't lie. They'll chop this tree down fine.

  • http://www.facebook.com/max.johnsonfraidin Max Johnson-Fraidin

    54th Rule of Black Metal: Never, ever, ever be caught dead in the forest without an axe wearing street clothes.

  • Casey

    chop down ALL the trees!

  • http://www.facebook.com/evan.mcwilliams.9 Evan McWilliams

    "All of my spikes and studs are FAAABUULLOOUUUSSSS!"

  • http://www.facebook.com/craig.shafer2 Craig Shafer

    "Damn, those guys from Mayhem called me a poser then gave me bad directions to the church burning, and now I am lost. At least I got my axe'

  • Bizz

    "Good good, now give me 'SEXY KVLT'"

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1338439692 Daniel Elliott

    I just sacrificed Smokey the Bear; Whaddya Gonna Do About It?

  • PlanetaryDuality

    This axe makes me look FABULOUS!

  • http://www.facebook.com/chris.profet Chris Profet

    I 'm sexy and I know it! praise Satan!

  • http://www.facebook.com/Trey0Bien Trey Lee Montpetit

    "Welcome to my Crib MTV"

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